I was getting ready for my seven-year-old's birthday party today (most years we host it at a local hotel with a waterslide, pool, and party room), and wondering why I was dreading the whole thing. I get stressed out when it comes to big events like this. My husband finds it fun, but I would rather stay home. So I did some self-examination, trying to figure out why.
I concluded that part of my anxiety stems from fear for the kids' safety. There are always risks while swimming, and I don't want someone else's kid (let alone one of mine) to get hurt while I'm responsible for them. That being said, there will be several adults from our family there, plus a paid lifeguard from the hotel, so they'll be well-supervised. Having someone drown would be almost unheard of; it's just that my imagination runs away with me until I fear the worst.
The other part of my dread is that something will go wrong with the party itself - I won't have enough plates or napkins, we won't have enough food, someone will be unhappy with something I've prepared, etc. None of that would be catastrophic, of course, but I've had the ideal of the "perfect" hostess ingrained in me since I was young, and I fear falling short of that.
How does this relate to laziness? Well, I know that sometimes I can let my fears paralyze me. I worry so much about things going wrong/not being perfect that it makes me want to avoid the whole thing. This kind of avoidance can easily turn into a lazy mentality. Rather than make the effort, someone might just do something smaller or do nothing at all instead of taking the risk. As you probably can imagine, laziness (or inactivity due to fear paralysis) can then become a pattern. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest, you know (not sure which of Newton's laws that one is).
I hope this introspection has helped me relax about hosting the pool party tonight. It's really not that big a deal - everyone there will be either a friend or family member, so they're not really going to care if things are perfect or not. It's both unrealistic and unnecessary to demand that things be perfect.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Lazy Is My Way of Life
Hi, my name is Jessica, and I'm a lazy girl.
I've been lazy all my life - at least, as long as I can remember. As I look back on my thirty-some years, I notice lots of times when I put the least effort possible into what I was doing: homework, high school sports, college courses - even marriage and parenting. Sometimes I regret that, sometimes not. The lazy girl in me wants to shrug it all off.
It's not that I'm not busy - I'm a stay-home mother of four, so I have plenty to do; it's just that I do things because of external motivation, not because of some drive within myself. Avoid pain, seek the easiest path - that's what I have done most of my life. I love to read (this is not a flaw, but it does usually involve sitting down for a period of time). I browse various websites regularly (*ahem* Pinterest). I hire a lady to clean my house once a week. I don't have many friends because keeping in touch with people is too much of a bother. I rarely remove my makeup before bed, I don't exercise or adhere to a diet plan, and I'm usually on the bottom during sex. When something requires effort or practice, I usually shy away from it. Most of the time I just want to be left alone to do what I want to do (i.e. sit around and read, surf online, or take a nap). Minimal effort has been the name of my game for longer than I want to admit.
Laziness is rooted in selfishness: I want what I want, not what anyone else makes me do, not even God. It's a form of idolatry in that respect, since I place more importance on my desires than on God's will for my life. Rather than pursue righteousness, I remain mediocre. I do some things that are good, but only because I sometimes feel guilty. Sometimes a certain song, book, movie, or person will stir a brief burst of inspiration in me, and I'll rouse myself for a few days or weeks. Inevitably, though, I return to my lazy ways when I don't see results fast enough or just get bored. I usually end up deciding that whatever the task, effort in general is not worth it.
I don't know whether I was born with the flaw of laziness or learned it somewhere along the way. I do know that I want to change. When your actions are driven mainly by your feelings, as mine are, life will toss you about like a pebble in the ocean, and I'm tired of living that way. I have a feeling that I will always describe myself as a "recovering" lazy person, much like a recovering alcoholic. Alcoholics who have gotten sober with AA describe themselves as "recovering," never "recovered," because they know that their addiction will always be a part of them. They could relapse at any time, even if they haven't had a drink in thirty years, so they are careful to state that their recovery is ongoing. I will probably always struggle with the tendency toward laziness - I just pray that God will help me find freedom from its destructive impact on my life.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."
~ Colossians 3:20
I've been lazy all my life - at least, as long as I can remember. As I look back on my thirty-some years, I notice lots of times when I put the least effort possible into what I was doing: homework, high school sports, college courses - even marriage and parenting. Sometimes I regret that, sometimes not. The lazy girl in me wants to shrug it all off.
It's not that I'm not busy - I'm a stay-home mother of four, so I have plenty to do; it's just that I do things because of external motivation, not because of some drive within myself. Avoid pain, seek the easiest path - that's what I have done most of my life. I love to read (this is not a flaw, but it does usually involve sitting down for a period of time). I browse various websites regularly (*ahem* Pinterest). I hire a lady to clean my house once a week. I don't have many friends because keeping in touch with people is too much of a bother. I rarely remove my makeup before bed, I don't exercise or adhere to a diet plan, and I'm usually on the bottom during sex. When something requires effort or practice, I usually shy away from it. Most of the time I just want to be left alone to do what I want to do (i.e. sit around and read, surf online, or take a nap). Minimal effort has been the name of my game for longer than I want to admit.
Laziness is rooted in selfishness: I want what I want, not what anyone else makes me do, not even God. It's a form of idolatry in that respect, since I place more importance on my desires than on God's will for my life. Rather than pursue righteousness, I remain mediocre. I do some things that are good, but only because I sometimes feel guilty. Sometimes a certain song, book, movie, or person will stir a brief burst of inspiration in me, and I'll rouse myself for a few days or weeks. Inevitably, though, I return to my lazy ways when I don't see results fast enough or just get bored. I usually end up deciding that whatever the task, effort in general is not worth it.
I don't know whether I was born with the flaw of laziness or learned it somewhere along the way. I do know that I want to change. When your actions are driven mainly by your feelings, as mine are, life will toss you about like a pebble in the ocean, and I'm tired of living that way. I have a feeling that I will always describe myself as a "recovering" lazy person, much like a recovering alcoholic. Alcoholics who have gotten sober with AA describe themselves as "recovering," never "recovered," because they know that their addiction will always be a part of them. They could relapse at any time, even if they haven't had a drink in thirty years, so they are careful to state that their recovery is ongoing. I will probably always struggle with the tendency toward laziness - I just pray that God will help me find freedom from its destructive impact on my life.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."
~ Colossians 3:20
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